Some of my most cherish memories from high school will always be those of football. In this picture I'm suit up for a JV game on a chilly fall saturday. I'm the one on the far right, yes the short one, all 5 foot 2, 120 lbs of me. The summer prior to my senior year, I was fully expecting to start at corner back for the varsity squad. The coaches all hinted that I would. I got all the first string reps and was a vocal leader to many lower class-men. However when the first game finally came around, it turns out that I wasn't going to start. The coaches chose to start another corner, my friend who at the time was a junior. He was 5'7, 135lb. I was devastated, I spent the whole junior year thinking about how much fun my senior year would be with all of my other varsity friends, and how we were going to win everything. The coaches all told me that I had tremendous talent and the they would find a way to get me on the field. The moto my head coach always used was, "if you dominate JV games and practiced at 100% all the time, then they will find a place for you, wether it be on special teams or in the lineup". That I did but I never saw the field, only in garbage time. As the season was winding down, I wanted it, more and more to end. We went undefeated in the regular season and everyone wanted to go all the way to the state championship, however everyday I always thought about how much I hated practice, the hypocritical coaches, who yet to explain that not only do you need talent, you also need to be big, and game days where all I did was freeze on the side lines. Even dominating JV games in attempt to release my stress was not sufficient in boosting my moral because it just reminded me of how much I hated football. I remember once when I had 17 tackles, 0 passes caught on me and 6 deflections, I just felt like crying on the sidelines. Football meant that much to me. So when we lost in the semi-finals of the playoffs to Mounds View, I thought I'd happy, but it turns out I just cried and cried with all my other senior friends. Sometimes in life it isn't the things you do that makes you happy, but the people you do it with. This horrible experience changed me in a way where I no longer look at my life through the perspective of enjoying what I do, but enjoying the people I do it with. If someone was to ask me if I wanted to go to a party, with people I don't know and probably would have a great time, or if I wanted to go hangout with my buddies while sitting around playing yugioh cards, I'd rather do that because some ordinary hangout means a lot more that some ordinary party.
you now i had a similar experience with football. The only reason i played was because all my friends did it, to fit that senior jock narrative even though i wasn't as into sports as most of them. The funny thing is, is that i was actually pretty good. I played varsity for a crappy team for 3 years and i was that guy who started over some seniors who were smaller than me. I however, wasn't coordinated. I was good at not catching the ball so they put me at corner back. It is funny though thinking about your situation and my situation. I played being brand new to the school, because that's what the "cool" kids did. At the time i didnt have any friends, but i saw this as something that would fit into this popular grand narrative.
ReplyDeleteI like how your story breaks with the grand narrative idea. Usually you'd expect all that hard work to pay off; in fact, I feel that there is a specific name for the "working hard pays off" track, but I can't recall. It reminds me of the kind of story Spiegelman would tell, something that was disappointing personally but learning an important lesson along the name, even if the incident haunts you. Your story doesn't match the nice, clean edges of some kind of a grand narrative, just honest, down-in-the-dirt kind of story. Very honest and heartfelt, thank you for sharing this.
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