This is my annual family Christmas picture from 2010 (Mom says I can’t share this year’s picture yet, so this will have to do). Count us up, 12 people total! For as long as I can remember, I have been introduced as “the girl with, like, 30 siblings.” Although there is only 10 of us children, being one of so many defined much of my life thus far.
My parents constantly reminded us that we are all family, and family is always going to be the number one priority for everyone, and all intra-family activities are encouraged.
Our friends never understood. They thought my parents were terrible for rarely letting us have friends over or go to parties! Our friends must have never known that frankly, we preferred hanging out with ourselves…
The easiest way to explain why we were always told to play together is by describing a typical day in October of 4th grade. The routine was set practically in stone: the four high schoolers were up and ready to go on their own by 7:15 am (there was no bus despite being 5 miles from the school, so dad was the driver); the three grade schoolers up, fed, cleaned, clothed, and sent out the door by mom to walk to the bus stop; the lone preschooler was up since roughly 5:00 am and just waiting to be dropped off at 10:00 am; and the toddler and infant were lugged around with my mom the rest of the morning and early afternoon.
School would end; high schoolers were in between sport seasons and would be driven home by mom (two babies in back), and the bus dropped us grade schoolers off soon after.
Once we were all back at home, we could do homework, read, get ready for swim practice, pet the dog, watch a little TV, pretty much anything to stay out of mom’s way in the kitchen. Then, usually at around 5:00 pm, was family dinner. Sometimes dinner seemed very early, but my mom was not about to drop nightly family dinners, and 5:00 was a time we were all around. After dinner my mom would rush the middle 6 of us off to swim practice and the oldest two boys would watch the youngest two babies.
We were with each other basically as much as possible. And, because of that, we were all the best of friends. By Friday and Saturday, we had worn each other out that the idea of having a friend over wasn’t even desirable. Besides, we saw so little of our school friends compared to our family that they didn’t seem to understand our jokes, or know what motivated us, or remember the things we liked and didn’t like. In other words, having our big family filled every need we ever had. Want to have fun? Find one of your sisters. Need to talk to someone? There are 9 siblings and 2 parents. Can’t do your homework? Someone’s had that assignment before.
I believe that for the most part, family was all any of us needed. Now, my history is my family. It's all I remember.
Family is all we’ve had, all we need, and all we want.
Both of my parents had large families (neither was quite as large as yours) but it kind of had the opposite effect on me. I've never felt particularly close to anybody in particular in my extended family. It took me a while just to learn who all my aunts and uncles were and I still don't even know all of my cousins. This is somewhat like comparing apples to oranges, or perhaps granny-smith apples to Sweetango™ apples, but I've always found it a little interesting how many large families seem to be so close knit when my large extended family wasn't.
ReplyDeleteI will admit that my aunts, uncles, and cousins are rarely in the picture, but that's because THEY choose to be. My parents try inviting them over for family events, but they always decline. Part of the reason why, I think, is because most are struggling in their own way -- a couple aunts and uncles are divorced, some have drinking/drug issues, two have autistic children they prefer to stay with at home, etc.
ReplyDeleteAn annoying problem with my aunts' and uncles' families is that they can get kind of competitive, and I think they are a bit embarrassed when they visit because they feel like my family is better (better educated, no legal issues, more financially secure, more athletic, blah blah blah). But, that is only how it appears to my family.
Frankly I wish we could all know each other well, but I guess I just have to stay satisfied with my immediate family!